I...ran today?

My mantra for the last four weeks has been "I'm quitting. I'm detaching." There's nothing I do better than quitting.

Ok, that's stupid. When you've only seen 3 days with sun in a month, your brain begins to starve.

Sun is blazing today, calling me, begging me to be out under it. Grass is soft and spongey, not yet scorched by salt and permafrost. Even the pavement feels good hitting my feet, pounding my sore shoulders into a broader posture, allowing me some great big breaths and clearing my head for the first time in weeks.

Not saying whether this changes my feelings on an upcoming race. In all likelihood I will skip it. Running is something I have to do in my own time. I can't predict how I'll feel in a different climate 3 weeks from now. Just living in the moment and feeling ok about it.

I mean-4.5 miles (albeit there was some walking in there), that's not bad after almost a month off!

Incorporating strength and stretching

I'm grateful to a certain friend and his girlfriend for sending a Rodney Yee yoga video my way. I've had a number of setbacks in my marathon training. But instead of being fatalistic about this venture, I'm going to focus on building strength and agility on the days when running isn't possible*.

30 minutes of yoga after work is a gift! Yesterday I collapsed on to my bed and crawled out of my coat and boots, ready to decompress on the couch as usual. I had a thought though-I should do yoga-which I mumbled just loud enough for Zoe to hear. She made the finger in the air gesture and jumped up to start the DVD. At first it felt like she was merely excited to get me occupied so she could play her video game without interruptions for a while...but next thing I know she's standing in Mountain Pose in the glow of the tv. So we kicked some junk out of the way and did some serious yoga together. The cats really love this floor time. They hop all around us and even participate. I swear that Gus was doing a Child's Pose on command.

*I know this sounds like a whiny cop out. Running is always possible. Cory is the type of person who runs just to get places. Like from downtown to his house, more than once I think. But unlike all these ultra runners I read about, I allow myself some rest time. I work a physically demanding job. I walk 2 miles to and from my train. I cook, I coach my kid to do homework, I wash our clothes and this week I even folded them and put them away. I have a fledgling social life. And I'm enjoying all of it, I wouldn't want to cut into it much more with running. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew with this marathon. I guess I'll know for sure when/if I get there.

Black Friday...more like Gray Friday

I squeaked out 2 short runs this week in spite of overcast and blustery weather. A couple years ago, a day like this would send me to my dark place. I admit, this morning was rough. Coffee fail, toddlers screaming on the train. But friends, I'm here to testify once again: running makes me feel the OPPOSITE of depressed. Weather becomes almost irrelevant after I hit the 20 min mark. Today the wind was whipping off the lake so violently that I actually put my hand up to my nose to relieve the pain of my mucous membranes freezing. Also I felt like my thighs were constricted, like the blood wasn't flowing to my legs-when I patted them down to see what was causing it I realized that my flesh was simply numb from the wind. The temp was 33 degrees but I'm certain the wind chill was single digits. I pushed myself a little, recovered, did my minimum 3 miles, and I returned feeling good, sweaty, smiley. Even the awkward encounter with JO in the elevator-he didn't recognize me in my running clothes-couldn't dampen my spirits.

(...I have often rehearsed my line of defense in the event that anyone questions my lunchtime disappearances. "Some people do their errands, or play loud shouty Euchre games, or do the crossword for an hour...I recharge by putting on spandex pants and sprinting down the river walk for 30-40 minutes in freezing cold weather.")

Resting, looking for inspiration to restart my training

In the absence of any running updates of my own, here is someone I completely admire right now.

http://www.slippingslowlyintopain.com/2014/11/the-world-needs-more-traci-falbo.html?m=1

Not feeling it today

All night I felt my throat swelling and becoming sore. I'm definitely fighting a cold. But I pushed myself to get on the treadmill to do 10 miles. A minute in, I had to run to the bathroom. I returned and started a movie on my device, great Led Zeppelin tune starts in...in fits and starts it felt great, easy, natural. I even did that math game that always tricks me into thinking I'm almost there. "3.38, well, I only have to do that 2 more times and I've got this."

I suppose watching an emotional movie was a mistake. As the mood shifted, so did my effort. I finally threw in the towel at 60 minutes, total of 5 miles. Felt dizzy and dehydrated as I hopped down to do my stretches.

Saw that my SIL did a 15K in the cold. Gotta hand it to her. She's driven and wouldn't let a dizzy spell or a sore throat get in her way.

Maybe next week I'll make it to 10.

Thursday's "lesser of two evils" run

I woke up in a strange, unpleasant mood, as if I was waking in someone else's body, with a whole other load of someone else's pain and anger on my mind. It was 6:15. I checked weather conditions. Temps dropping and little wavy lines which must mean wind (to the exclusion of all other weather phenomena). Possible rain around mid day. Checked Facebook for signs of the apocalypse...yep, all of us are headed straight to hell apparently. Sooner than we thought because the evil corporations have won the war because they have all the money and they now officially control our most personal decisions. Why even get up? Oh wait...a documentary about Mister Rogers? Oh, his sister's name was Elaine? Oh, he was named after his grandfather, Fred McFeely? And his mom knitted his cardigans, one a month for everyone in the family? Now I'm tearing up and ready to place my faith in humanity again, because a whole generation of us clung to his gentle words in our tenderest years, like he was sent to each of us like an angel heralding love and acceptance.

I swore off early morning runs about a month ago. But in a back-and-forth fit, should I do it now or later, now, later...I pushed forth and decided Now.

Later.

No, Now.

From bed to Main St. in a little over 15 minutes.

Now I could see why "wind" was the single, primary assessment of the weather at the moment. Temps are irrelevant when you're being blasted in the face with icy gusts. And somehow, pushing northward against the wind, a force from within me directed me to go further than on previous morning runs. I could've gone west. Should have. But something about these weekday runs under dark clouds...I've always headed in the direction of my high school, north. I followed the campus and made the turnaround. By this time feeling empty. Usually the halfway point is my second wind. Not surprising though, with no water or calories. Joints aching. Stomach unsettled. Mental exhaustion. I found myself hopping cautiously over uneven sidewalks, feeling tightness in my hip, thinking about where I was slacking-likely my feet-feeling annoyed at not being able to cross at the light without breaking my stride. All these mundane thoughts weighing me down like lead.

Anyway, it's done. I shall enjoy a quiet lunch break, free from rain or wavy lines or plummeting temperatures. Maybe I'll watch some of those Mister Rogers clips.

4 + 4 (toast and jam)/a reasonable amount of water

8 feels good. My knees were aching by the end, but that last couple blocks I walked it off and now I'm all good. I took a break halfway through so I would have a clearer conscience about leaving Zoe at home. And it gave me a chance to nibble some toast and sip some water. The hills at Melas were the greatest challenge. Very hard. Next time I'll wear my new trail shoes and see if I can get engineering on my side.

That extra hour was a huge bonus. I thought Z would sleep in but didn't matter. Felt good knowing I was up "early" and beating the traffic, except for a couple of dogwalkers and newspaper getters.

Great photo opportunities with temps near 30 and bright sun.