More x-rays

I had a follow up exam at a Foot & Ankle clinic today in Thornton. I set my alarm for maybe the 3rd time this summer so I wouldn't be late. The thing I never can remember to count on is that it takes me 3 times as long to walk from place to place with my boot on. I didn't take my usual 600 mg of ibuprofen this morning because I didn't want to mask the pain at the doctor's office. So I was moving extra slowly, extra carefully.

This doctor was direct and serious, no joking around. This break is a good one, and it has shifted, which isn't uncommon, and the bone should heal regardless. He said the boot needs to stay on at all times, no excuses, and he'd put me in a cast if I didn't comply. I hate hearing that. But today, without my ibuprofen, I am aware that the joint is irritated and needs more time to heal. It's been a weird few weeks without a job to go to, without a routine, and my health seems like just another part of my life that's out of control. So I need to grasp this one thing and stick to it because if I don't it will continue to be a wild card.

This is my worst trigger, knowing something isn't right. Unfortunately, it's just wrong enough that there's absolutely nothing I can do. All I can do, literally, is nothing. It's a lesson I learned years ago, I remember it well. I recall my manager at work sending that message out into the room, just like that. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to do nothing at all. It seemed out of character for her. She's aggressive in some ways. If you have an ache or a pain, you must see a doctor to have it assessed. If you get a stomach ache after you eat something, you must have an allergy or an intolerance, and you must change your diet and your lifestyle to make it better. If you smell an odor, you must take every precaution to get rid of it, for it might cause an irritation and lead to lung cancer. I could go on. So when I heard her say this I thought it must have come from her acupuncturist or her wise therapist friend. It stuck with me, maybe because it seemed like an impossible task. Especially in the context of our work, where the motto was, if one thing doesn't work, try something else, and another something else until you get it right, or else we don't get paid. Not trying equated to failing in my world.

So there's something metaphysical about this challenge. It's like that movie where Paul Rudd is teaching Jason Segel to surf, and he keeps telling him, "Do less, you're still doing too much," until the guy is just lying there on his surf board on the beach. And then he says "Ok, now you're not doing enough." I mean, I'm not doing anything right now, but I am...I'm actively reclining with my leg up, with a computer in front of me so I don't start to feel like I'm losing my mind due to staring out the window. So relatively speaking, I'm not doing anything. But that's so the cells in my bones can back to regrowing themselves, and so the ligaments can stop straining to keep me upright, and stop getting irritated and demanding that my brain absorb seratonin to cope with the pain it's sensing.

Obviously this whole thing is driving me a little nuts.